Why I'm Qualified To Offer Advice

Or

Didn't you read my blog on horoscopes?

So I resisted blogging for a long time, mostly because I feared I wouldn't have anything to say.  As it turns out, there's plenty of nonsense in me willing to spew onto the page. However, in my fear of having nothing to say, I began to conceive of starting an advice column.  In the end, it seemed like too huge an undertaking to do it formally, however, I still like the idea of developing a dynamic, interactive conversation with my readers and offering up seed-like pearls of wisdom on any topic you might care to hit me with.  What the heck.  I've got a sense of humor.  This could be fun.

Disclaimer:  I am not an expert in anything except telling people what to do.  Typically I boss around immediate family especially siblings because my kids sure don't listen to anything I say.  I am a wife, mother, daughter and sister--practically a crone.  I live a relatively charmed life, but recognize that many don't.  I try not to judge when people screw up since there but for the grace of God go I, usually.  I'm easy to talk to.  I try to be nice because being nice seems the nice thing to do.  I will not mock you unless I think you're mocking me.  If you want to email me privately, do so. 

I will take questions on any subject that doesn't require a lot of research to answer, although I could probably enlist hubby to dig up some insight on undiagnosed medical issues or how to compost without attracting bears. 

Here's a sample to get things started:

1. If your daughter won't clean her room, don't take her to her friend's until she does, even though the house would be more peaceful if you did.
2. Being professional means keeping your ears open and your mouth shut. 
3. Life is never perfect.  Sometimes you get to stand on a mountaintop and enjoy the view, but your feet still hurt and you still have to descend.   Concentrate on the view.
4. Gardening will grow on you.
5. Don't gossip about your kids unless they're driving you crazy when you're trying to blog (Kids, we've talked about this: fire or deadly bleed.  Famine doesn't count.  You both know how to make mac and cheese.)
6. Even if something is scary, do it.  I'm scared to start a blog.  Probably no one will show up to this particular Tupperware party, but I'm hosting it anyway because somewhere, someone has been meaning to replace a lid.
7. Multi-tasking is over-rated.  One at a time is good fishing.
8. When you want to frighten your husband out of your writing room, ask him for at least two items for a list of advice you're composing.  He’ll move toward the door.
9. Be specific about originality, or he'll only come up with "One at a time is good fishing" lameness.
10. Don't laugh when he says, with absolute sincerity, "Always do your stretches."